Christian Dream Interpretation
And Counseling

Suicide became my most desired option, as an escape from this hellacious lifestyle that had consumed my existence because of the poor choices I made. My companions in my death quest were the very things that once brought me a miserable type of short lived joy. These companions would also be the culprits that would aid me in my relief from emotional pain.

I consumed the liter of alcohol in an attempt to ease into the beginning stage of my mission. The sleeping pills were my second step - a safeguard or an additional cushion for the last leg of the ride. When I felt numb enough from the alcohol and pills I had the courage to use the razor blade to cut my wrist from end to end.

As I lay down on the floor to await my demise I begin to hallucinate. My life passes before me like home movies. "Who the heck would want to film this junk?" I conversed with myself for a while wondering what was taking so long. "Die already!"

At one point I must have fallen asleep because I had a dream...so I thought. I was in spirit form looking down at my body. There was this bright light surrounding me and I felt such peace and serenity. The next thing I noticed is a gray cloud hovering over my body on the floor. I'm watching this happen, only I'm not in my body! Then a Blue cloud glides into the gray cloud and they merge. There appears to be an intense struggle between the two clouds. I'm still watching, wondering, feeling no pain - I'm at peace.

The gray cloud evidently loses the fight as it leaves in a swift manner while the blue cloud remains. It radiates with light and then it speaks to me softly, " I am the way and the truth and the life."

I have no idea how much time has passed before I wake up, back in my body. I was feeling despair and angry that I wasn't dead and that I didn't complete my mission successfully. "I can't even kill myself. What a loser!"

I crawled my way to the bathroom, sick to my stomach and wished I had died. As I hugged the toilet I kept hearing that voice in my head..."I am the way, the truth and the life."

I grabbed a wash cloth to wash my face and clean up the bloody mess on my arms. To my amazement, the blood stains appeared to be in a dry and flaky form. I didn't want to scrub too hard as I knew there would be open cuts underneath the dry blood. I proceeded to wipe the wounded area but found no trace of trauma, cuts, or even bruises. The traumatized areas were completely healed and disclosed no evidence of my recent suicide attempt.

This strange discovery left me with many questions: "Where did the blood come from if I didn't cut my wrist and what the heck really happened? Did I dream this whole thing? No. There is blood in the sink too, and the razor blade has blood on it. The floor has blood stains too...Am I really dead and now dreaming that I'm alive?"

For a young girl of seventeen this was too much for me to comprehend so I put it behind me and didn't think about it anymore, mostly because I had a splitting headache. I was sick for about two weeks, vomiting, sweating, fevers and cold chills. My body hurt and I was very lethargic. I really wished I had died!!

After the two weeks of physical suffering and recuperation I had enough stamina to venture out in search of a job. Remarkably I was hired by two Christian women in a hair salon as a Receptionist/jr hairstylist. I was excited that they were giving me a job since I was only partially educated and inexperienced. It must have been written all over my face that I was a lost soul. They shared the love and grace of God with me in a way that I had never experienced. I was hungry for more and delighted about this new knowledge.

Nita and Margaret gave me a book on the Gospel of John Where I was to begin reading as part of our Bible Study Group. As I read Chapter 14 verse 6, the words jumped off the page! "I am the way, the truth and the life."

I ran over to my supervisors with excitement and explained to them what had happened in my dream on the day of my suicide attempt. Margaret was the least surprised as she had suspected something was up but through her faith and her prayers for me, the truth was finally disclosed.

Apparently Margaret had a gift of prophecy and shared with me what she saw in a vision which God sent to her while she was in prayer. "God spared your life, Kathy, because of a special calling on your life. The gray cloud in your vision was the enemy (Satan) coming for your soul. Before he had a chance to take you away, Jesus showed up and fought for your life, which was the struggle you sensed within your body. He healed your wounds and the blood dried up. He died on the cross for you 2000 years ago and would die again, just for you. He loves you that much! Therefore he has given you life once again. You will bless many with your testimony and become a light for other teenagers and adults who are walking the path of darkness, addictions and despair."

Her words rang true after years of personal counseling and 12 step groups. I volunteered at church and saw the needs within our youth. I would have visions of their lives, of their struggling with addictions and/or abuse. It was during this time I was inspired to go back to school to become a counselor. I had the gift and the experiences but now I needed the tools to help me to help others.

I completed my GED and started my Psychology training at a community college. I also attened a tech college for Cosmetology. I did so well in my classes that the minister and leaders of the church offered me a scholarship if I completed my Psychology studies at a seminary and agreeing to work for the church after Graduation. It took more then 14 years to finish college and receive my Doctorate degree because of setbacks, getting married, having and raising my two children and attending other colleges for additional training which my primary college did not offer.

Today, I am living proof that God gives us opportunities to make a change. As I worked on myself to transform an addict into an asset for society, other doors of opportunity were opened. It was as if God were rewarding my efforts. I was given a new life, one that I had only dreamt about but never thought it would happen. I am truly transformed and the old addicted, lost and abused Kathy has been left behind in my past. It no longer controls my life. I've been given a second chance to live again and this time I am making the best of it by making better choices.

The desire to help others who are walking in my old shoes is as strong within me today as it was 31 years ago. My love for God strengthens me through the rough times and encourages me through the good times. Life doesn't get any easier - I'm just better equipped this time around.

Bless those that read this and pass it onto any friend who needs an encouraging word.

Keep the Faith!

DrKathy