ARE YOU A VICTIM OF ABUSE?

by Drkathy Pfaff

 

There are many definitions of childhood abuse/trauma but I will define it as, "THE MENTAL RESULT OF ONE SUDDEN, TRAUMATIC EVENT OR A SERIES OF SIMILAR EVENTS WHICH RENDERS THE YOUNG PERSON TEMPORARILY HELPLESS AND SLOWLY BREAKING DOWN ORDINARY COPING AND DEFENSIVE OPERATIONS." This kind of trauma includes not only those events  marked by intense surprise but also those marked by prolonged and sickening anticipation.

An example of an "intense surprise" would be a one time childhood rape, witnessing the death of a parent/family member, or witnessing a violent act onto another person or any traumatic event a child normally is not prepared for (some adults either)! Depending on the age of the person/child, the symptoms and effects may differ as you read below.

A "prolonged and continued trauma" is the child who fearfully anticipates as to when the next act of abuse is going to take place. One adult woman came to my office with an anxiety disorder wanting to know why these attacks only came on when her husband came home, slammed the front door and would start yelling for his dinner. "He is just kidding, he doesn't mean anything by it, he is teasing me mostly because he knows I get easily rattled by slammed doors. Why do those things set me into a helpless feeling of a child?"

Over the next few weeks, we discovered Karen's repressed memories of abuse that took place in her parents home. Whenever her Father came home drunk and slammed the front door closed, he'd start up the stairs screaming his daughters name, opens the daughters door and rapes her like so many times before. "The actual anxiety started when I heard his car pull up in the drive. I could tell by how he came through the front door whether or not I would be abused that day." 

Another client of mine knew that whenever her Dad came home drunk, he and Mom were goint to fight, ending in a bloody mess, that she was expected to clean up. She would hide under the table with her siblings until the fighting was over and Dad would yell to her, "clean your Mother up, then clean up this mess!"

Many such survivors describe their traumatic events of abuse from childhood as "a living nightmare that you can't wake up from, sometimes you just want to die." Many times they feel that using drugs, alcohol, pills or death (suicide) is their only escape from their painful memories.

There are various forms of abuse that children and adults are exposed to. These include:

Physical Power & Violence: This ranges from the withholding of personal care and affection, to threats to personal safety, to pushing, hitting, punching, systematic torture and murder. Physical violence in the home is a crime but if not reported.

Psychological or Emotional Power Abuse: This is typically harassment aimed at demeaning, humiliating or intimidating. Behaviors tend to focus on insults about appearance, ideas and the competence of women.

Social Power & Abuse: This involves the use of power to control or place conditions on money and purchases. It can escalate to extreme deprivation.

Spiritual Power & Abuse: All violence affects the human spirit because the victim experiences feelings of vulnerability, powerlessness and insecurity. Their personal boundaries and trust in others is undermined especially if abuse is done within an environment where safety and security is expected such as home and within a church.  Spiritual abuse happens in the church community whenever seduction, mind control, manipulations are justified by using Biblical theology. This is more about control and not about edifying the saints.

Violence and acting out in anger are not solutions to any problems in any relationship, including a dating relationship. Dating a violent person is not the answer to keeping a friendship or romance.

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (Proverbs 29:11 NLT)

Abuse in any relationship, including dating relationships, should not be tolerated. “The Lord examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates everyone who loves violence.” (Psalm 11:5 NLT) This verse tells us that God hates violence. People who use violence may want to control you or scare you; they may have bad tempers, stress in their lives, alcohol or drug problems, low self esteem, or they simply may not know a better way of dealing with their problems. This still does not mean that violence should be tolerated.

Research and experience has shown that childhood trauma appears to be a crucial etiological factor in the development of many serious psychological and physical disorders, both in childhood and in adulthood.  Adults who have suffered from sexual abuse and severe physical abuse as children have been known to be diagnosed with mental disorders such as; Manic-depression, Schizophrenia, Anxiety Disorders, Borderline and even to the extent of Multiple personalities.

One such survivor, Diane H. is a 32 year old writer who has been struggling with memories of childhood abuse for the last ten years. She's had multiple sclerosis for the last twelve. MS is a degenerative condition of the central nervous system with symptoms that vary greatly from person to person. In Diane's case, she has been a paraplegic for six years and legally blind since 1988. Diane connects her disease with the severe abuse she experienced, starting in infancy. Diane was also diagnosed with Multiple personalities....more than 30 of them, ranging in age from three to thirty. She explains...

 " I had experiences which were so traumatic they split my personality wide open. There was no way for my young mind to cope with the brutality and random acts of sadism that I had experienced. Instead, I completely forgot the incidents and created a totally new personality."  She shares the rest of her eloquent story in the book "The Courage to Heal,"  expressing to women the hope that multiple personalities and sexual survivors can heal!

The Physical disorders connected with abuse include; irritable bowel syndrome, ulcers, migraines, dyslexia, and other disorders that effect the body. You can also expect a persons behavior to change after experiencing such a traumatic event. A child who is being physically abused at home may act out at school by fighting, being destructive and defiant toward other adults. Yet at home, his affect may be passive, fearful, and somewhat depressed due to his feelings of being powerless and helpless. He wouldn't dare act defiant at home for fear of being beaten so he transfers his anger onto others outside the home.

 For more information and great support online, visit some of these sites below:

 

 

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